Sorants
by Scribble-Dead
Summary: Sora rants, praises, criticize and pokes fun at the various things you find in the Kingdom Hearts Series. A parody of various Youtube celebrities videos. Try not to take the issues discussed in this fic too seriously. Beware: Extreme OOC for Sora.
1. It's All About Me

**Yes, yes I know. It's been months since I last updated any of my fics. Haven't been coming up with new fics every now and then and now that I'm back. (Holiday season, yay!) I think it's time for me to go back where I first started and became popular with you readers out there.**

**Basically, this fic is all about Sora (and his handy camcorder, I wonder if Destiny Island uses technology, I don't know.) and ranting mostly about fans treating him like crap, addressing some plot holes in the Kingdom Hearts series as well as responding to some hate and constructive from various networks that have some strong grudge with the KH staff, characters and the likes. Okay, I'm treating it as some sort of platform to vent my anger whenever I feel like it, as well as entertainment for readers like you.**

**So yeah, I know that I've been watching too many Youtube videos lately. These are my sole inspirations why this fic pops up in my head on one fine, random day. **

**Or I'm just plain bored.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. Square-Enix and Disney owns them.**

**Oh, one more thing. It's a tradition for this fic to end with the words 'SORA SUXS' (Since quite a number of Youtube videos starring Youtube celebrities ends an end greeting before the video ends.) More like Sora who wants to insult himself. And for Sora haters, this is probably sometime you want to gloat at. And for the mentally-challenged, Gutube is a spoof of Youtube, since I doubt they have Youtube in the KH universe, or more specifically, Destiny Islands.

* * *

**

Sora stood in front of his father's camcorder in his room, trying to get the lighting right before getting in position. He had no idea why he was doing this in the first place but facing some peer pressure from his friends it was absurd that of all things he's recording himself.

"So… hi viewers of Gutube. I'm Sora, and you know that I'm the hero of the Kingdom Hearts series, carrying a Keyblade and traveling all around the universe, slaughtering Heartless and Nobodies. I know some of you love me, and I know that some of you hate me too."

"You asking me why I'm making a video? Oh, right. Now I'm going to tell you guys why I need to do this. It's because I'm sick of this crap and all that jazz, complaining and whining about every single little trivial problem that happened in Kingdom Hearts so far. And this is my show, everything's all about me and no one shall come and try to steal my show. Geez, how long since I appear in the games, 5 years? And I'm still an angsty 15-year old kid who never ages since the plot keeps going back to the past. I wanna… grow up~." Sobbing heavily as he realized that, he turned away from the camcorder while wiping his tears off his eyes.

"So you say that Roxas and that Data Sora count as me being a main character too? Pshw, WRONG! They aren't me, the fresh and original one sitting right here wasting his time talking in front of his camcorder (Okay, so Roxas do count since he's my Nobody and everything.) I want to go save the worlds again and destroy, annihilate, kill, dismember, eradicate, exterminate, slaughter, obliterate, smother, erase, finish, suffocate, expunge, terminate and end him since he's been causing the troubles to every single one of us for the past 11 years or so. Not leave this to Riku, King Mickey (no offense), Donald or Goofy, I won't accept this."

"I know that you guys think I'm boring. Yes, blame it on Nomura with everything that you are unsatisfied with this series, but all I can say that he's forced, pressured or stressed to be in this state thanks to the executives of Square-Enix. I won't be listing any more names, but you guys are behaving too paranoid for your own good to torment this poor man. You know, sacrificing his private and family time to work on other high-profile projects, dedicating to get things done to satisfy your selfishness…sympathize with him. Instead, pat him in the shoulder or something, like give him some encouragement to do his best in his projects."

"Despite saying all this, this show is still all about me. Nobody else. Erm, not really, I'll be doing skits and I act as other characters in the series so far. Yeah, keep those comments coming that I'm less interesting or less dark than my best friend Riku or not as cool as Roxas or Axel, or as capable in doing all sorts of cool and funky stuff with the Keyblade like Terra, Ven, Aqua and King Mickey. In no time, I'll be proving you VERY WRONG, get it?"

"Don't get this wrong though. I don't hate you, loyal supporters of Kingdom Hearts. I'm just so mad all those yaoi-obsessed fangirls, trying to kill Kairi, Namine or Xion for their uselessness or they are not as bitchy and strong as Aqua or Larxene, and the fact that they are girls, and the fangirls are into yaoi too much. I mean, the universe just doesn't make any sense anymore. There's nothing wrong with them, it's you fangirls who are going overboard with this."

"I'm also mad at the complainers that complain, whine, grumble, protest, criticize, cuss, troll and fuss at all the little things that didn't come out right. Nomura's not God and he's not perfect either, just like you and me. So stop complaining endlessly, unless there is something that really needs to be brought up, as long as it's valid and worth discussing at. And when you have nothing good to say, just shut your mouth and think before you speak."

"Anyway…I'm totally aware that I'm acting extremely out-of-character of my usual self. Since this is not part of the games or anything, I guess I can do anything I want. After all, it's MY show after all."

"Thanks for watching this, and I'll see you again next time…while I leaving with Tidus in a few minutes to get some ice-cream at this newly opened ice-cream store. Later."

_**SORA SUXS**_


	2. Blame It At Nomura

**I hope you guys like my first chapter of Sorants. This time, let us discuss the one person that we would love to complain at whenever things go wrong in the Kingdom Hearts series: Tetsuya Nomura. Yes, the top man, the head honcho who's in charge of this series. I think I'll let Sora explain further, so enjoy. One more thing: Please R&R (Read and Review, for first timers on ) and/or favourite/alert this story. I would appreciate it if you like this story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Kingdom Hearts series and Sora. Square-Enix and top man are in change of this. (And yes, I know the song in the beginning of this fic is full crap. I'm no composer, and this song is my own writing, not taken from any source anywhere. So in other words, no stealing.)**

**Inspired by: nigahiga's Off the Pills' Bieber Fever.**

**Note: The conversations Sora picked in this chapter are based on video responses of his first video regarding the topic. They don't mean to represent anyone appearing in the chapter, even for some familiar characters you know so far in the games.**

_Blame it at Nomura!  
Blame it at Nomura!  
The fans' doing is pretty paranoia.  
Not happy with the character,  
Unsatisfied with the gameplay  
Oh great Chester!  
When you see nuns pray,  
Just blame it at Nomura

* * *

  
_

Sora switches the radio off as soon as he settled down in his usual seat, getting ready for his one shot of his video clip he's planning to upload in a few days' time.

"Thanks for watching my previous video, I appreciate it. I didn't know that it'll be successful, but over this past month it seems that I've received over a hundred thousand viewers."

"Oh that's pretty impressive, but that's all what people says in the videos since they think that saying this they will be popular among the Gutube community, and they did. I guess I'm no different from the rest of them. I think that's what's hot and impressive around the groups lately. So if you can't go against them, join them!"

"By the response of the comments given in my first video, I have decided to create a discussion board when you click on the description below. Here you can discuss whatever you want related to the Kingdom Hearts universe. It's been successful so far, and I'm probably going to read out some of the comments during my rant which I will talk about it in a couple of seconds."

"Yes I know; I'm not acting as what I am usually in the games, even the author knows that. I actually asked her if I could do that, since being absent for 5 years now has made me the cynical, mentally-unstable and lazy guy I am today. Isn't that right, author? And basically, she's not giving me much screentime in my other fics, boo hoo hoo. And I know what you're thinking; so I'm thinking that you're one of those disastrous yaoi fanfiction writers among the fanfiction community that sucked at writing decent stories like a man and apparently has no life?"

_**Love Sora**__**!**_

"Okay, back to me. I'm not going to talk about the author all day long and that's not what I'm here for in this video. So, let's me get this straight; for a long time I've been hearing people talking about this guy everyone's been talking about. Who the hell is this guy anyway? I think I heard of his name before, but I have no idea where."

"_Nomura!" says one fanboy._

"_Nomura~" says a yaoi fangirl._

"_Nomura, who else?" says Demyx._

"_Tetsuya Nomura." Says a game critic._

"_Tetsuya. Nomura." Says another fanboy._

"_Nomura, Nomura, Nomura." Says Larxene as she shook her head with disappointment._

"_NOMURA!" Exclaimed Ventus excitedly._

"_Nomura, Nomura. Who cares about him?" says Zexion while reading his lexicon._

"_Nomura, who the hell?" asked a pissed Riku._

"Tetsuya Nomura. The No. 1 guy the Kingdom Hearts fandom has discussed in various discussion forums. Some worship him like a god, some wants to burn him in a stake. Some liked him and supported his ideas; others wished he is fired from Square-Enix and stop producing mediocre games and that Square-Enix could return to its former glory back in its heydays before he started producing games that suck but are mistakenly glorified by gaming magazines."

"Now, look here. Yes, you. The one looking at the screen right now. There's one fact that you must know before criticizing the man who breathe life into me, my friends and the worlds we've travelled to in the first place; he's no god. He's only a normal man who enjoys producing games, just like like you…and me. Apparently, in my opinion, I think of him as a regular man who works 24/7 non-stop and has to sacrifice his private time with his family, because he's been given multiple projects, which some of them are in vaporware right now. Never seeing the light of the day in game stores…how horrible is that? I…I…I…er…urg…gggrrr…don't know where to start. Just forget it; I'm not talking about this anymore." Sora was stunned and at a loss of words, after reminiscing what he was saying earlier on.

"I applaud him for being such a resilient man who never complains at getting things done as fast as he could. I mean, seriously, I doubt you guys would have done that if you were in his shoes. It's not as if he involuntarily wants to take up these projects, he has no control of everything that he's taking up since everything's decided by the higher-ups. Who is he, a freaking masochist? Can't you guys open your eyes and feel his pain? But instead, do you know what you've done?"

"Someone should just give him a towel and fire him. He's taking too long to get all these games done." Says Sora dressed up as a nerd.

"He's a [bleep]-ing liar. NO MOAR FINAL MIXES!" Says Sora dressed up as an emo kid.

"NNOOOOMMMMUUURRRAAA! FFFFFFFUUUUU-" Says Sora dressed up as a rock star.

"I'm starting a Nomura hate club. And currently I have over five hundred members." Says Sora with a wig on, cross-dressing as a woman.

"Arg, just [bleep] [bleep] fire him now." Says Sora dressed up in work attire.

"Where's my Final Fantasy Versus XIII? I bet that the game should end up in the Goodness Book of Records for taking the longest game ever produced in the history of computer gaming. It should probably kick Duke Nukem Forever off the shelves." Says Sora dressed as a mascot.

"Nomura? Hate! Hisssssss~" Says Sora, dressing as a little girl.

"I so totally hate-" Says Sora, dressing as a typical teenage girl.

"I. Want. My. Game. NOW!" Says Sora dressed up as a toddler.

"You ever heard of ultimate job security? Probably Nomura has some connections here and there, no, not including that. But whatever the case despite all those complains we filed he's still working over the past few decades with the company Worse of all, either the executives or Nomura himself are using his fame for doing the infamous Final Fantasy VII game. That's my opinion, but I'm not sure what others might say." Says Sora dressed up in business attire.

"Hate is good. Hate this man. You'll benefit from it." Says Sora dressed up as a sexy woman.

"I want my Final Mixes!" Says Sora dressed up as a baby.

"Don't be mistaken: it doesn't mean that you can't complain when you see some fault in the games. It's just that you shouldn't get overboard with them too much until it gets sickening like rotten oatmeal. Like I said before, Nomura's no god, nor a superhuman nor a machine. Instead of pinning him down like a pest, why not encourage him or thank him for producing all these wonderful games for the years he worked with Disney and Square-Enix? You know, an encouragement can do wonderful things with a great man like him. Probably that's what he needs in tough times. But what did you guys do?"

"_Blame it at Nomura~" The chorus preached._

"…erm, where did that came from?" Sora asked himself as he looked up, wondering if there's anything weird in his room.

"So anyways, I know that you guys are just jealous. You know, adding a 14th member into Organization and I know that yaoi fangirls out there watching are probably going to burn her down like a witch. Or like showing Axel a little too much in the subsequent games and I know that you guys are already sick and tired of him as well as the other Organization members too. Well, except Xigbar, at least. Or worse, only publishing the Final Mixes in Japan and not elsewhere and whatever the reason is, you're still just jealous of him and his job. Admit it; you want to be in his shoes, right?"

"Maybe it would be easier if I can show you an enactment of a typical discussion between a few dumb fans."

"Arg, screw the camera! Stupid game."

"So, the camera's screwing with you? Not to worry, just blame it on Nomura. He's the director of the game."

"I totally hate the controls. Who program this anyways?"

"Just blame it at Nomura. He's the man in charge of the series."

"I heard that Nomura's involved in this game."

"*Gasp*Nomura, AGAIN? NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!"

"They should just kill Kairi off and let Sora and Riku make love. I mean, she's so useless and why is she still in the games anyway?" Complained Sora while dressed up as a yaoi fangirl.

"Well, just blame it at Nomura."

"Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep Final Mix is not coming to the States…AGAIN!"

"Oh, yes, just blame it at Nomura. He's the one who announced the Final Mixes."

"I mean, seriously you awful and ungrateful people. You know there are thousands of people working on the game. But most of the time, anything that has nothing to do with Nomura goes to him, even if he's not fully working on a game at all. We might as well change the title 'director' to 'scapegoat', since you guys can't appreciate the hard work Nomura put into the games, his own flesh and blood."

"Despite saying all that, that doesn't mean I ignore the faults in the game. Yes, no game is perfect. I admit there are faults, but you can't deny that your arguments are overblown, rolling from a small snowball to an extremely dangerous avalanche. What the hell is this I don't even-"

"And you're wondering; why not say the good stuff about Nomura too? Yeah, I wish to, but the bad things seems to surface a lot more than the positive stuff. That's saying something."

"Well if you look at it in a different angle, hating Nomura means he gets hurt and when he gets hurt he cannot concentrate in making any more games for us, and when he can't concentrate he cannot produce more games for us and when he cannot produced more games it's a lose-lose situation since we have no game and when we have no game there's no more Kingdom Hearts and when there's no more Kingdom Hearts… … Mickey, all my friends and I cease to exist…FOREVER. So, to sum it all up, stop complaining endlessly. We'll talk more about me in the next video."

"Lastly, you know what else this series needs more of? More belts and zippers. More. Belts. And. Zippers." Sora said his last three words slowly and clearly so that the words can sink into the viewers' minds a little quicker, because they should as the four words were shown on the video.

_**SORA SUXS**_


	3. The Twelve Days of Sora's Christmas

**Rated T for profanity.**

"Hey, guys." Sora greeted, putting on his Christmas wool hat as he speaks. "So you know that Christmas is coming, and there are so many things to do. Unfortunately…there's no snow in Destiny Islands. So no snow fights. Blech."

"But anyways, I've been writing my very own version of 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'. I'm not a very good lyricist but I hope you guys like it:

_On the first day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_My one and only Kingdom Key.(Polishes his Keyblade until it shines.)_

_On the second day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Two best buddies (Hugs Kairi and Riku)_

_And my one and only Kingdom Key. _

_On the third day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Three Disney friends (Points at Mickey, Donald and Goofy)_

_Two best buddies_

_And my one and only Kingdom Key._

_On the fourth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Four of my clones (Runs away from Ventus, Roxas, Xion and Vanitas)_

_Three Disney friends_

_Two best buddies_

_And my one and only Kingdom Key._

_On the fifth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Five bloody DVDs (Showing five of the Disney DVDs Sora and his friends are watching)_

_Four of my clones_

_Three Disney friends_

_Two best buddies_

_And my one and only Kingdom Key._

_On the sixth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Six scientists (Burning a photo of Xehanort, Braig, Dilan, Even, Aeleus and Ienzo)_

_Five bloody DVDs _

_Four of my clones_

_Three Disney friends_

_Two best buddies_

_And my one and only Kingdom Key._

_On the seventh day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Seven Princesses of Hearts_

_Six scientists_

_Five bloody DVDs_

_Four of my clones_

_Three Disney friends_

_Two best buddies_

_And my one and only Kingdom Key._

_On the eighth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Eight bottles of potions (Gulping down all the potions on the table)_

_Seven Princesses of Hearts_

_Six scientists_

_Five bloody DVDs_

_Four of my clones_

_Three Disney friends_

_Two best buddies _

_And my one and only Kingdom Key._

_On the ninth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Nine worlds I wanna visit (Shows a map of some of the worlds he visited)_

_Eight bottles of potions_

_Seven Princesses of Hearts_

_Six scientists_

_Five bloody DVDs_

_Four of my clones_

_Three Disney friends_

_Two best buddies _

_And my one and only Kingdom Key._

_On the tenth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Ten Wonka bars (Eating his tenth chocolate Wonka bar)_

_Nine worlds I wanna visit_

_Eight bottles of potions_

_Seven Princesses of Hearts_

_Six scientists_

_Five bloody DVDs_

_Four of my clones_

_Three Disney friends_

_Two best buddies_

_And my one and only Kingdom Key._

_On the eleventh day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Eleven artificial Keyblades (Hung all of the key chains on the wall)_

_Ten Wonka bars_

_Nine worlds I wanna visit_

_Eight bottles of potions_

_Seven Princesses of Hearts_

_Six scientists_

_Five bloody DVDs_

_Four of my clones_

_Three Disney friends_

_Two best buddies_

_And my one and only Kingdom Key._

_On the twelfth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…_

_Twelve Organization members (Flashes of all Organization members except Roxas)_

_Eleven artificial Keyblades_

_Ten Wonka bars_

_Nine worlds I wanna visit_

_Eight bottles of potions_

_Seven Princesses of Hearts_

_Six scientists_

_Five bloody DVDs_

_Four of my clones_

_Three Disney friends_

_Two best buddies_

_And my one and only Kingdom Key~ *Heaves a sigh of relieve*"_

"If you think that it's the end of the video…well, I guess I have to prove you wrong once again. I received some feedback from a test run I conduced days ago and they say that it wasn't my usual style of my other videos. I hope I didn't offend anyone after singing this, but enjoy:

_**On the first day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**A stupid video recorder**_

_**On the second day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**And a dumbass video recorder (hiding from yaoi fangirls for finding him so that he and Riku can make love.)**_

_**On the third day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**Lots of annoying fans (Putting his earmuffs as he ignores the fan dumb)**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**And a stupid video recorder**_

_**On the fourth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**A messy plot (Madly trashing piles of paper into the bin)**_

_**Lots of annoying fans**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**And a stupid video recorder**_

_**On the fifth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**A DEAD NOMURA!(Screaming for his life as if he really saw Nomura dead)**_

_**A messy plot**_

_**Lots of annoying fans**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**And a stupid video recorder**_

_**On the sixth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**Kairi Haters/Killers (Kairi crawling into Sora's room in order to escape)**_

_**A DEAD NOMURA!**_

_**A messy plot**_

_**Lots of annoying fans**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**And a stupid video recorder**_

_**On the seventh day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**Too many broken bases (Shows actual live footage of military bases exploding)**_

_**Kairi Haters/Killers**_

_**A DEAD NOMURA!**_

_**A messy plot**_

_**Lots of annoying fans**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**And a stupid video recorder**_

_**On the eighth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**Ships sinking down (Shows actual live footage of naval ships sinking in slo-mo)**_

_**Too many broken bases**_

_**Kairi Haters/Killers**_

_**A DEAD NOMURA!**_

_**A messy plot**_

_**Lots of annoying fans**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**And a stupid video recorder**_

_**On the ninth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**All the Final Mixes (Reveals his secret collections of Final Mixes)**_

_**Ships sinking down**_

_**Too many broken bases**_

_**Kairi Haters/Killers**_

_**A DEAD NOMURA!**_

_**A messy plot**_

_**Lots of annoying fans**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**And a stupid video recorder**_

_**On the tenth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**Losing all my brain cells (Sora removes his brain from his head)**_

_**All the Final Mixes**_

_**Ships sinking down**_

_**Too many broken bases**_

_**Kairi Haters/Killers**_

_**A DEAD NOMURA!**_

_**A messy plot**_

_**Lots of annoying fans**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**And a stupid video recorder**_

_**On the eleventh day of Christmas Santa gave to me… **_

_**All the secret bosses (Replays all secret bosses discovered in the entire series so far)**_

_**Losing all my brain cells**_

_**All the Final Mixes**_

_**Ships sinking down**_

_**Too many broken bases**_

_**Kairi Haters/Killers**_

_**A DEAD NOMURA!**_

_**A messy plot**_

_**Lots of annoying fans**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**And a stupid video recorder**_

_**On the twelfth day of Christmas Santa gave to me…**_

_**All the secret bosses (Replays all secret bosses discovered in the entire series so far)**_

_**Losing all my brain cells**_

_**All the Final Mixes**_

_**Ships sinking down**_

_**Too many broken bases**_

_**Kairi Haters/Killers**_

_**A DEAD NOMURA!**_

_**A messy plot**_

_**Lots of annoying fans**_

_**Yaoi fangirls**_

_**A stupid video recorder**_

_**And someone help us all get along~**_

"Hmm…I think I did a great job. Maybe I'll pursue a career in writing "billboard charts" worthy songs for celebrities in future. I'm going over to the mayor's house to celebrate Christmas with Kairi, Riku, Selphie and everyone else living in the islands. At least we don't need to worry about the cold and enjoy our unique version of celebrating this festive season."

"So that's all I have for you today. So viewers, how are you guys spending your Christmas? Give me your comments below and I'll see you again soon." Sora waves at the camcorder, leaving happily, a little unusual from his previous videos where he leaves angrily or sometimes not in a good mood.

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**Sora suxs~**

**Heh, never getting light on specials either.**

**_A/N: So yeah, this time I'm not putting the author's notes on top, since the content of it contains some spoilers of this special chapter. I know that some of the lines aren't that ordinary such as the five bloody DVDs and the ten Wonka bars (I know, that's not Disney property but hey, it sounds catchy). About the Kairi haters/killers (and not showing Namine or Xion's haters), well it has been the longest hatedom I have ever seen in the history of KH fandom/hatedom/whatever you call it these days. However, I apologize that I haven't been updating in a while and why Sora doesn't speak as much as the previous chapters._**

**_Christmas' this Saturday and I hope you guys enjoy yourself. Like I mentioned in my profile, the next chapter will resume normally as Sora rants about his personality in-game. It will be out a couple of days after Christmas ends and just before the start of 2011. That's all I can reveal but until then, have a nice holiday._**


End file.
